Carmen Fight

July 9, 2025, 8:00pm

I have been here in AZ since Monday July 7th. It’s been 3 days so far, and I’ve seen a side of Carmen I haven’t seen before. And tonight I got in a fight with her. 

The day started off with the three of us going to the VA Hospital for dad’s PET scan. That went as expected, and we came home. The ordeal weakened dad considerably. He took a nap when we got back. Carmen went for a drive, her typical mid-day activity. They had pizza for dinner, and I just had a small slice of it and sat with them. Then I went to dinner with Katrina at 5:00.

When I got back, they were in Carmen’s room, listening/watching an old gospel sing-along on her TV. She was enjoying it. Dad was just sitting there, and gave me a non-grin and shrug that signified he was just going along with it. 

I went to my room to call Cheryl. We were talking when I heard my dad say, “Kevynnn” as he was walking to his room. I told Cheryl I would call her back and hung up. Carmen was following dad. I came to see what he wanted, and tried to assist in any way. As I started to help, Carmen raised a finger at me and scolded me, “DON’T! Stop it! You’re babying him too much.” Astonished, I said, “Carmen, I’m here to help my dad. You can’t tell me to stop. I’m an adult. I want to help him.”

She said something else — I can’t remember what it was as my heart was pounding fast — but I ignored it and went to get his pain pill. I got a small glass of water from the kitchen as she was trying to take over his care, and get him to bed. I came to give him the pill and held it out for him. Then she reached for it, but I moved my hand away so I could give it directly to him. I handed him the water. After he had taken it, I retrieved the glass and walked back to the kitchen, and let her finish whatever she was doing with him. I waited in the hallway so I could talk to her about what had just happened. She came out, and agreed to talk with me. So we walked to the couch in the den.

When we sat down I said, “I’d like to talk about what happened there.” And she started with “You’re babying him too much. He was doing so much better before you came!” And I broke in to say, “He called me and said he needed my help. And you can’t tell me to not help my father.” There was more back-n-forth about that same issue, and she got frustrated and said, “I’m not speaking to you any more, and you need to leave.” She got up and started rushing down the hall to dad’s bedroom. And I replied, “So you’re just going to shut me out, like you did to your daughters?” She got wide-eyed and said, “Did you just say that? That’s bullshit!” 

She got to dad’s bedroom and flipped on the light, and stood over him and said, “Did you call him to come here?” He stammered and said, “no.” Then he said, “wait, what do you mean?” “Did you call him to come to AZ to help you?” “Yes, I did.” I’m standing at the foot of the bed, and she glares at me, “What are you doing here? Get out of here! You need to leave.” “I’m here to help my dad,” I said, with more blood pumping through my veins. Then she looks back at him and yells, “Don’t you think I can take care of you?” He pauses and says, “Honey, I know I’ve been a burden on you, and your back pain.” She responds, “I thought I was your number one?” They had a little more back-n-forth and he finally responded with, “I just want to go to bed.”

She turns to me as she’s storming out and says, “I’m never speaking to you again, and you better be gone tomorrow, or I’m calling the cops.” Then she goes to her room (and calls her brother Jessie, I learned later.)

I called Cheryl back, and gave her the synopsis, and asked her if I should call her brother Jesse to explain the situation. But Cheryl recommended that I call Katrina and have her do it. So I did.

I heard from Katrina a little later that she tried to call him, but he was on with Carmen. Then he took Katrina’s call and spoke to her about it. But Jesse was not sure what to think, and was siding with Carmen. Jesse also doesn’t think that Carmen has memory issues. Katrina did her best, but not much progress was made.

I called Cheryl back and debriefed her some more, and she consoled me and confirmed that Carmen was acting very crazy. 

I sat in my room on the couch for a while, trying to get the pounding to subside, and dad opens the door and walks toward me. (Without his walker.) He said “I want to talk.” I thought to myself. Here we go again. He’s taking her side, and I’m going to have to leave. He came to the couch where I was sitting, and he said, “I absolutely want you to stay until Monday’s oncologist appointment.” I said, “Okay dad, I’m here for you. I will do what you want.” 

He thanks me, and heads out the door down the hallway. Carmen is coming from the other direction. They meet and she says, “do you want to talk?” He says, “yes.” They head toward her office, and I’m standing in my bedroom’s doorway looking at them. She sees me and says sternly, “Why are you standing there?” I’m silent. She says to dad, “What is your son still doing here? Didn’t you tell him to leave.” He responds, “I absolutely want him to stay here, until the appointment with the oncologist.” They go into her office to talk some more, and she starts in with more complaining about me trying to take over, and other things. Then she says, “I want him gone tomorrow, or I’m going to call the cops.” And dad says, “Like you did on Tricia?” And she responded forcefully, “Why would you bring that up? Huh??” He says, “I want him here.” Then she says, “Okay. That’s what you want. That’s your choice. But we’re going to court.”

Dad ends up going back to his chair, because now he can’t sleep. Carmen goes to her room. After a while I went into the den and sat on the couch, next to him in his chair. He doesn’t talk much. After a long pause I say, “I can get a room and still take you to your appointments, if that makes it easier.” He said, “I’ve let this go on too long. I want this for me.” 

I said, “I’m here for you.”

July 10, 2025, 6:00am
I didn’t sleep well last night, so I’ve decided to move my stay to a hotel, and take dad to his necessary appointments, then leave on Monday afternoon.